We all enjoy Googling. We Google recipes, movies, songs, facts, ex-girlfriends, books…. wait.
Ex-girlfriends?
Sure, we all wonder what happens to the past women of our life. They’ve moved on from us. Married? Engaged? Lesbian? Who knows. It’s not unhealthy to do a little research and and make sure they’re okay.
Everyone is curious. Finding past loves is much easier for women, as men (unless they become American Gladiators) seldom change their names. But for men it’s a little more difficult. For no matter how psychotic, fridgid, or evil they were… eventually SOMEONE marries them and they take on that poor, misinformed sap’s name.
So it takes some work to find them, and of course the restarting communication walks a very fine like. It doesn’t hurt to say hi. But there is a line that can be crossed. Here are the top 5 signs you’re stalking your ex-girlfriend.
5. Communication Via Fake Email Address
People usually have a long list of email addresses. Your first AOL account, then Hotmail and you just had to get that Gmail account didn’t you. Then there are work accounts and perhaps that webpage you started a few years back that you gave up on. Still have that email address too. Most are just our names in various combinations. First name, first and last, first initial and last, etc.
So you’re now Joseph Canton from MacroWare and you’d like to know if she’s happy with her current job. How about her current residences? Personal life? Is she sleeping with anyone? Why is she a dirty whore?
Simmer down stalker.
4. Exploring Her Company Website
It’s great that she enjoys her job with her publishing company. They’ve been in business for 15 years and are 80 employees strong. Their offices are expanding yet they don’t have much of a website.
That doesn’t matter. You visit it daily. You stare at the contact list and see her name 3rd from the bottom.
It stares back… it wants you to click it.
Oh but wait, don’t forget to use that ‘special’ email address!
Get back to work stalker!
3. Google Map Of Her House Is Your Home Page
Whose car is that in her driveway? Is that a guy‘s? Why isn’t she home? Why did she get back so late?
See a pattern? huzzah! You’re a stalker.
2. The Password Game
How well did you know your ex? Remember her childhood pet, the street she grew up on? Name of her first friend? These are all helpful when spending the early hours of your morning trying to break into her online phone billing and bank records. Who is she calling? Where is she spending money?
Try this password “crazystalker”
1. Facebook Frenzy
Facebook makes it easy to find anyone, as well as know what they are doing. Between status updates and mobile uploads you’re always 30 seconds behind any person throughout their day. So you “accidentally” add your ex as a facebook friend. It’s cool because you’re probably in the same network. Now you have access to all the juicy status updates. Hmmm, but that’s not good enough. Now you’re adding her friends just incase they are harboring pics of her on their page, perhaps they are updating about her, or even worse… the new man in her life. Well, you better add all her guys as friends too. Wait… she just changed her profile picture, what’s in the background? You don’t remember that shirt… is it new? Is she at some guys house? Why is she smiling?
Congrats, you’re a stalker.
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