Most of us hate to clothes shop. Spending your day going from store to store trying on clothes can bring the strongest to their knees. Someone years ago trying to help the shopping impaired by creating shopping malls. Now you don’t have to find the cool stores, they come to you in a nice, pretty package and even offer the big chocolate cookie as your reward. But all that convenience comes at a price… the other people. Unfortunately you need to share the mall with various types of people who all seem to be there to make your shopping experience a living hell. Here is our list of 8 worst types of people in a shopping mall.
8. Old Mall Walkers – The elderly people who are up at the butt crack of dawn for the never ending stroll throughout the mall. They sprint at a whopping .457 miles an hour and seem to walk in pairs to help enable your ability to pass them on your way to the food court. They never seem to die… they just walk.
7. Emo Kids – If your mall has a HOT TOPIC then you have these loser. You can recognize them by the black they drape themselves in and their constant suicidal appearance (unfortunately it’s all a facade, they never really do it). You’d think the food court is painful enough with only 3 Mandarin chicken restaurants and a Blimpies but now you have to watch these moneyless losers all share a few ketchup packets while spewing out why they all hate their parents.
6. Slow Walkers – These are separate from the Old Mall Walkers as they can be of any age though tend to be in the obese range. They usually consist of 5 or more people and tend to create a barrier wherever they go. They are completely unaware of their surroundings and are unable to hear your ‘pardon me’ in attempts to pass. Though they carefully look into every window they pass, they never purchase anything.
5. Kiosk Surprise – They are like land mines in the center courts. They spray perfume in your face, rub lotions in your hands and offer something about a back rub. They are the minimum wage employees who have one skill, the ability to make you not want to walk by them.
4. Douchebags – If your mall has an Abercrombie & Fitch then you’ll have these tards. We wish we could bring our cars inside the mall so we could park on one.
3. Children On Leashes – There is only one thing more annoying then women with strollers, it’s children on leashes. Can you please just take your child to the kennel when you’re ready to shop?
2. Bench Perverts – It’s the lonely guy sitting in the beach staring at every young girl (or boy) who walks by. They appear to be waiting for someone, but don’t be fooled. By their 5th hour straight of sitting you’ll begin to realize their perverted agenda. Gross.
1. The Other Person – It’s the person who offers to go with you to pick up a quick item, then unknowingly will drag you into every store in the mall. They can often by recognized prior to leaving for the mall by the bags of items they wish to return from their last trip.
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