If you’re a red blooded American then it’s fairly obvious you don’t like Ben Affleck. He’s a smug, talentless actor who wreaks of coat-tail riding and box office failure. If Kevin Smith didn’t keep humping his leg we’d probably not even know who this guy was. But unfortunately, we’re burdened with screen fatigue and the occasional entertainment headlines he poops at us. We’d normally just let it go, but we’re a little angry as he’s ruined a few things for us in life. Thing we may have enjoyed, possibly even loved. All destroyed by this hack someone deemed worthy for movies. So with no further ado, we present 6 thing Ben Affleck ruined for us.
6. Lesbians – Who doesn’t love lesbians, if you’re a man… you love them because they are just like you, but with boobies. If you’re a woman, you remember your college days and what a special time it was for you. If you’ve seen Chasing Amy you’ve seen an awkward man attempt to change one. First off, don’t ruin a good thing. Secondly, making us believe that Affleck is the one guy who’s going to detour the lesbianism of women is just an insult to everything holy and wet.
5. Space Program – Who didn’t want to be an Astronaut at least once in their life. Well, watch Affleck board a shuttle while singing ‘leaving on a jet plane’ and see how quickly you jump to your ‘back-up’ career.
4. Red Sox – Unless you bleed Yankee blue you might have a place in your heart for the Red Sox. They’ve been around since the dawn of baseball and have enough history to for a lifetime of discussion. Affleck is a very outspoken Sox fan. Outspoken enough that the players have even expressed their distaste for the actor as well as labeled him a ‘curse’. It’s hard to love a team whose most popular fan is a tool.
3. Liv Tyler – You were in love with her during her first Aerosmith video. She’s beautiful, sexy, and talented. Yet once you watched Affleck run animal crackers across her belly in Armageddon, she might as well have Scurvy.
2. Comic Books – Comic books are in most people’s DNA, it never goes away. Well, maybe… watch Affleck try to convince you he knows ANYTHING about comic books in Chasing Amy and you’ll find yourself reconsidering why you’re holding on to that SPIDERMAN AMAZING FANTASY #15 still.
1. Matt Damon – Like it or not Matt Damon is bad ass. Kicking ass in Bourne movies, playing awkwardly cool in the Ocean’s films. He one awesome dude. But his coolness is constantly tattered by association. His friendship with Affleck is like putting salt on a snail. Everyday he’s fighting to stay alive. It’s hard to admire a man who’ll sit down and have a beer with the guy who killed Daredevil.
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