As you prepare yourself for the summer months it’s tempting to go balls to the wall and embrace the Sun like your old prom date at a class reunion. But like your old prom date you must remember that the Sun hates you. It really does. It hides itself during your barbecues, it comes out for the winter months yet doesn’t warm you and when it does finally start producing head it beats you to a pulp. The Sun is NOT your friend. Not convinced? Here are 10 pictures proving the Sun hates you.
10. It Calls You Names – Unless you’re Native American you only have one word for it, the Sun. Yet no matter how much respect you give it, it doesn’t even know your name. It gives you ‘pet names’ like glowy, red guy, or I SUCK.
9. The Whiter You Are, The Meaner It Is – You’d think it would be a little easier on you for being so white, like a golfer’s handicap. But no, it rides you hard and puts you away wet. There is no love for the pale.
8. It Attacks In Groups – It doesn’t pick and choose. It’s like a plane crash, unless you’re a member of a crappy band… you’re all doomed.
7. It Lets Everyone Know You’re A Crappy Dresser – Here is a series of pictures we like to call “this is what I wore this weekend.” First off, the Sun HATES trucker hats (and hipsters).
6. Jesus Sandals – It’s nice to let your feet breath, but looks like you gave them emphysema. The sun hates flip-flops. The more pompous they are, the meaner it is.
5. Bermuda Shorts Vs The Speedo – You need to pick one and go with it. No switching back and forth, it’s confusing your ass cheeks, angers the Sun.
4. Someone Got Some New Shades – You’ll die of skin cancer but your vision is going to be great. The Sun doesn’t care how cool you look in Raybans, it will still attack.
3. Lay You Hands On Me – Cuddling is great, but not when you’re tanning. The sun hates this and will retaliate.
2. You’ll Never Win Against The Sun – You can spend you’re whole life battling the Sun and unfortunately never succeed. But there is good news….
1. The Good News Is – … when you die your family can make accessories out of you.
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