Each day we hope to be the best. We wake up optimistically, put a little hop into our stride and think that great things just might come. But then we realize it’s going to be just like EVERY OTHER DAY… why? Because of the idiots we deal with on a daily basis. If life was spent in solitary confinement, we might having nothing in the world to gripe about, at least no one to gripe too. Well, we deal with a society, a society full of decent people, as well as these morons. Here are 10 people you’re probably going to have to deal with today, and that are completely going to ruin your day.
10. (7AM) Morning News Show Hosts - Knowledge is power, and the easiest way to obtain that knowledge is through television news. You start your day by turning on your local morning show. But each day you’re angered and insulted. You can’t believe these people are on the air. Interviewing 100 year old ladies, winners of quilting contests, farmers with 100lb squashes and in turn completely ignore real news. Not only that they deliver the fluff with their insincere laughter coming from their fat, obnoxious faces. The anger their can produce while ‘awing’ over a shelter puppy is enough to cause a sane man to buy a flame thrower.
9. (8:15AM) Angry Neighbor – You managed to clean yourself up enough to make the journey to the crappy part of your life you label ‘a job’. 5 cups of coffee later and some leftover pizza and you think that maybe there is some life left in this day. Well no. Apparently 15 neighbor dogs crapped in your neighbors lawn last night and since you’re the only person he knows who happens to have a dog, you’re the one who gets to listen to his rants. Forget the fact that your dog had already crapped in the house before you got home last night so you never even needed to let it out. He’ll also remind you to mow your yard and that your stereo is too loud when you come home at night.
8. (8:30) Morning DJ – Personally, there is nothing we hate more than Morning DJs. Their smug attitudes and their belief of the mass celebrity status they possess is enough to cause mouthfuls of vomit. They never seem to realize that moment they cross to the next country they are as well known as the guy who makes the donuts. So they hide in their bubble and spew out bad jokes and Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations in hopes they can keep their job long enough to unpack since getting canned from their last gig in Bakersfield. We drive to work hoping they will actually play a song, it doesn’t even have to be a song we like… just a song. But no, we are forced to listen to everything they witnessed at the monster truck show this weekend.
7. (8:45) Idiot Driving Next To You – Whew, a distraction from the radio. It’s an idiot just to your left. They are even more of an idiot than the idiot to your right. Both are talking on their cell phones, one is shaving and the other is putting on make up. When one crashes, why can’t they take another with them? Why does it always have to be you? The one guy just trying to get to work. Do idiots repel other idiots like magnets or BO?
6. (9:55AM) Moronic Coworker – You’re at work and you are pretty much settled in. Read some emails, downed more coffee, it could be okay. Not so much, it’s a Monday and you get to hear about the weekend of the one guy who never has anything to do. But man can he sell it! How is it that the one person who is never invited to anything can talk about his weekend for 3 hours. Where is an office killing spree when you need it?
5. (11:40AM) Clueless Family Member – Important business call? No, it’s family and they are operating at a guilt level 10. Apparently when you said you’d try to come over this weekend, they didn’t understand that TRY meant NO WAY IN HELL. Each weekend they invite and each weekend you get out of Dodge. Isn’t Christmas enough? How much time to you have to spend with these people?
4. (1:11PM) Tech Support – Well that didn’t take long for your company database to crap all over itself. Guess who gets to call support and get it handled? After a barrage of automated instructions and attempts to get to an operator, you finally get a live person on the phone. The good news is you’ve finally found someone who hates their job more than you, bad news… you really hate your job. Now you get to be spoken to like a 5 year old as you are talked through fixes that you’ve already attempted 5 times. 2 hours later it’s learned you don’t have the latest version. Computers can die.
3. (4:45PM) Inept Boss - He’s been hiding in his office trying to look busy all day. You almost got to go a whole shift without having to deal with him. But not so lucky, it turns out someone is questioning if he actually does work. To prove he actually does, he is going to have you do some for him. Aren’t you the lucky one? Shouldn’t take ALL night, just have it on his desk by morning. Keep up the good work.
2. (6:20PM) Bitter Cashier – Finally someone who makes Tech Support look like employee of the month. We understand no one came to this Earth wanting to check groceries, but do you need to take it out on us and express your disappointment when you see we’re buying pork rinds?
1. (12:22AM) Your Booty Call – Work is done, beers are kicking it and you deserve a little reward for getting through your day. What better way to unwind than calling an ex and seeing if they might be interested a little late night hanky panky. Turns out your mumbling and sexy talk wasn’t doing it and now you get a 30 minute speech about all the reasons why you broke up in the first place. Oops, you have to run. Your dog just crapped again.
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