We all want to look out best. Whether we’re hitting the gym everyday or paying for a membership we keep telling ourselves we’re going to use, we all have a connection to the gym. It’s hard enough to convince ourselves to go without having to deal with the pain of actually being there. We’re not talking about the aches and pains of muscle exertion, we’re talking about the idiots working out next to you. Who are they? They are the 10 Biggest Idiots At The Gym.
10. Lucky Shorts
Sure you only wear those clothes for 40 minutes every three days, but when they start to make crackling sounds then take that as a sign to wash them. We have a hard enough time smelling today’s sweat. We don’t want to smell your sweat from six weeks ago. Wash… Your… Clothes!
9. Sweaty McSweaterton
Listen, this isn’t attacking people who sweat. We understand it is all genetic and some people’s pores produce enough liquid to flood a small town. This is aimed at those who dump there sweat all over the gym as if they’re marking their territory and act as if a towel is some foreign object they just don’t understand. Wearing a T-shirt that says “slippery when wet” just isn’t enough.
8. The Talk Show Host
We didn’t know we were booked on “Kimmel,” or we would have come prepared. That has to be the reason you’re asking us so many questions and telling us all about your life. Have you noticed we’re not asking questions back? That’s because we really DON’T want to talk to you. Shut up.
7. The Shirtless Guy
OMG AWESOME U R RIPPED!!!! We are so proud of you! Now put a freaking shirt on before we have a completely inverted erection.
6. Gym “American Idol” Person
We’re are just as excited about your iPod playlist as you are. No, we’re just kidding. Please stop singing before we go all William Hung on your ass (we don’t get it either).
5. The Amateur Trainer
Unless you have your own workout DVD, we don’t care what you say. But let us add if you had a workout DVD, we would never watch it. This means you Jane Fonda!
4. The Cellphoner
Put your Goddamn phone away. Stop texting. Don’t answer your phone. Don’t talk about your day to your friend while you’re on the treadmill. You’re going to have to take a Yoga class to get your Motorola out of your ass.
3. The Steroid Riddled Screamer
It’s great you want to do 40 reps of 200 lbs, but do we need the sound effects? We’d like to focus on our 40lbs and eye the sports scores on treadmill next to us without having the gym bellow with what we can only assume is the sounds of German porn.
2. The Girl Watcher
The guy who walks around the gym lifting his 15lbs from machine to machine while looking and attempting to talk to every woman in the club. Your window shopping of the Yoga class is making us all ill, can you please restrict your voyeurism to the privacy of your own home? That’s what the Internet and hot neighbors are for.
1. The Girls Who Encourage Watchers
We get it. You’re hot. But so are a lot of the women who go to the gym. We don’t need your uber short shorts in our face each time you stretch between machines. You look around the gym as if you’re trying to spot a sniper, looking for eyes on you. If you are that shallow and insecure that you need assurance for sweaty perverts… become a stripper.
If you thought this sucked, then read this 8 People Who Make Shopping Malls Hell
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