Life is hard. Sometimes you need to full on unwind. One of the easiest ways to do this is to gather up all your friends, introduce several social lubricants and party the night away. Unwinding stops when suddenly your party becomes more of a hassle than expected. What is the culprit of your stress? The party foulers are to blame. These are the unwanted guests who turn you into more of a hall monitor than a beloved host. Who are they? How do you spot them? Easy, we present to you 10 Drunks You Don’t Want At Your Party.
10. The Human Sieve
The person who can’t talk, walk or even drink without spilling their drink throughout your entire house. Coasters are foreign to them, and they can decrease the value of your couch in just one sitting. They are often fans of red wines and dark beers.
9. The Story Teller
The person who goes over play-by-play of the last party and starts every sentence with the word “remember.” Stories can even go back as far as the first time you drank together and puked wine in the back seat of their parent’s Buick. The stories get better and better. Even new twists are added that you weren’t aware of, and you were there.
8. The Wanderer
This is the person who every time you turn around is gone. Upon searching for them, you find them in other parts of the house you deemed off limits. Master baths, the garage, walk in closets are all fair game to this party fouler. It’s as if you invited Magellan to the party.
7. The Bartender
This is the person who apparently had a friend who knew a guy who was a bartender. They discussed all the drinks he knows, and he insists on making them for you. Unfortunately everything they bring to you just tastes like colored tequila.
6. The Closet Partier
The person who only gets out once a year and has all that partying to make up for. It’s unfortunate that they don’t have enough drinking experience to be familiar with their limits or have any idea how to control their volume level. They also aren’t familiar with your emergency puking exits and will get themselves on the ‘no party’ list for another year.
5. The Recently Broke Up
This person has recently broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend and hasn”t even closely gotten over it. Not only do you get to hear about how special and horrible the ex was, you also have to play lookout for them just in case the ex shows up. Every time the door bell rings you hear “Oh God, please don’t be them!” and you have to hear the break-up story once again. Can’t they just OD on sleeping pills like everyone else?
4. The Stunt Man
This is the person who has seen “Jackass” a few too many times and when combined with alcohol has turned into your own personal Evel Knievel. For every beer or shot they have, they add an extra deck chair on to their leap. Good thing about them is they NEVER get hurt (until the next day).
3. The Mother Hen
This is the wet blanket that walks around the party making sure everything and everyone is okay. Usually spewing out statements like: “I think you’ve had enough tonight” or “Someone needs to make sure Tim gets home okay.” The problem is they are drunk themselves yet have no clue to their level of non-sobriety. It’s a party man! Lighten up before you suck all the fun right out of the room.
2. The All Nighter
The person who stays until the end… then another three hours past that. They even have a pretty convincing argument about why you both should head across town to another party. No matter how tired you are you can’t go to sleep until they are out your door. How you will get them there is still the unanswered question.
1. The I Love You Person
The is the person who puts their arm around everyone at the party expressing their love and admiration for them while being two inches from your face. They can’t really express why they love you so much, except for the fact that you’re the only thing keeping them from falling straight to the ground.
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