We all hate to fly. There is nothing fun about it. We hate it so much we don’t even need any build up for this list. If you’ve been in an airplane at least one time in your life then you hate everyone on this list. What list? Well, this one. The 10 Worst People To Fly With.
10. The Stinky Guy
Seriously? You don’t smell yourself? This goes for all of you. The old ladies with three gallons of bad perfume, the douche bag who smells like Zima and Polo, the ripped T-shirt guy whose BO is making us tear more than the end of “Old Yeller” and the old man who just smells like sh*t. If we’re the one who has to tell you that you stink, then you just don’t need to interact with society much less spread your odor across the globe.
9. Talky McTalkerton
Last time we looked our headphones were on, and we were staring straight ahead. Did we ask “What’s up?” We can’t remember. We must have since you won’t stop talking to us. Can we sit next to the stinky guy again?
8. The Fig-it-er
Light on. Light off. Shade up. Shade down. Air on. Air off. Air on again. Seat belt off. Seat belt half off. Seat belt completely off. This is why God invented Valium. Take 20, and we promise someone will wake you before before landing off the coast of Guam.
7. The Long Distance Relationship
This consists of two people holding a conversation from eight seats away. What ticket agent played such a cruel joke upon us? Was there no way they could have seated you two morons together? The more disturbing their conversation gets, the louder it becomes. They can scream about prostates and liver pills until the airplane has reached the terminal, and you’re running out the emergency exits.
6. Coma Victim
Points for being able to sleep on the plane, but minus points for sleeping on us.
5. The Ogler
We were smarter than you, and didn’t want to watch the “Princess Diaries” now playing on the airplane’s screen. We brought our DVD player and 20 movies to keep us going. Last we looked, admission was one. Stop looking over our shoulder before we call the manager, and you’re ejected from the mile high theater.
4. The Leaker
How much did you drink before getting to the airport? We would pretty much have to be pissing out of our eyes before we would consider using an airplane lavatory, but you keep heading there like you left a burner on. Give it a break, look into some Depends.
3. Captain Electronics
This is the guy who has his tray table filled with his laptop, iPod, iPhone, Nintendo DS, mini recorder and 10 other things you can’t even find in the Sky Mall magazine. We get it. You’re tech savvy. Unless you’re Leo Laporte we really don’t need a demonstration right now. We’re too busy spelling BOOBIES on our calculator watch.
2. The Baby
There really needs to be age limits on airplanes or babies need to be stowed in the luggage compartment. Perhaps we just need to convince all these parents how much nicer it would be to travel without the kids, and how if you leave enough food in their crib they’ll be just fine.
1. The Two Seater
This is just obvious, so obvious that Southwest decided to start double charging for this. This is someone who’s just so big their ass impedes into your airplane privacy bubble and makes itself at home. Not only are they pushing up against you, but you now get to hear their struggling breaths and live in fear of the seat belt snapping and killing everyone in your row. 
Bonus Answer
Mother F*cking Snakes
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