There are some things happening in this world that people prefer not to talk about. Everyday people are walking in emergency rooms with things stuck in their ass. We’re sure all these people have perfectly good excuses as to how these items got lodged in their rectum. We don’t judge here at Comedy.com, but we invite you to judge away.
Just so you know there are no gerbils on this list. According to the medical journal “Rectal Foreign Bodies,” which we used to research this phenomenon, “gerbiling” is an urban legend. There are no reported cases of people with gerbils stuck in their ass. Yeah we’re kind of heartbroken about it. We guess we owe Richard Gere a huge apology. No need to fret however, there are plenty of things stranger than gerbils on 10 Most Bizarre Things Found In People’s Rectums.
10. A Frozen Pig’s Tail
Imagine opening your freezer door and saying to yourself, “Now what in here can I stick up my ass?” We’re just glad he didn’t choose the Hot Pockets.
9. A Soda Bottle
It’s a delicate matter when trying to decide which brand of soda you going to ram up your ass. There are so many questions you have to ask yourself. Am I a Coke man or a Pepsi man? Should I go with something more exotic like an Orange Fanta?
8. A Light Bulb
The irony is that light bulbs are generally associated with good ideas.
7. A Can Of Peaches
The really funny part about this one is that the nurse took a picture of the X-ray and posted it to her Facebook account. She ended up getting fired.
6. Two Bars Of Soap
Okay this guy must have been a rookie. Everyone knows you don’t have to go to the emergency room to get soap out of your ass. Just run the hose up their until the soap dissolves. Duh!
5. A WTF!???
We couldn’t find out exactly what this is. It kind of looks like a Roto-Rooter. Maybe it was a bad plumbing accident, or maybe it’s one of those alien anal probes we’re always hearing about.
4. An Artillery Shell
A soldier in WWII claimed to have a bad case of hemorrhoids. Desperate to tuck them back in he used the only item at his disposal: a live artillery shell! Greatest generation indeed.
3. A Can Of Shaving Cream
Let this be a lesson to everyone to be careful while manscaping. We all want a clean taint, but don’t go overboard.
2. A Curling Iron
Okay, you were trying to give your ass hair a perm and you slipped. That’s believable.
1. A Tennis Ball
This is number one simply because it’s an odd choice as far as balls go. Why not a pool ball or baseball; something that’s smooth. A tennis ball is furry. Why would a person stick something furry in their ass? That just doesn’t make sense to us.
Wow, there’s a lot that can be fit up one’s butt. Check out Yahoo’s Answer to the question everyone wants answered (Hint, the answer is always ass babies.) and the 20 Women Who Rocked Our Asses. No, your mom is not on this list.
Posted by Justin Vestal, who is going in for X-rays today.
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