The Internet is full of douchebag photos. In fact, it’s hard not to find a meme that doesn’t have one of these orange tanned, hardened haired quidos attached to it. As I examine these photos, I sadly notice that the douchier they are, the hotter the girl is on their arm. Even worse is that their douchebaggery rubs off on these women and they begin to make the same transformation. They are called Douche Baguettes.
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These baguettes are difficult to look at. They’re like a beautiful piece of art with graffiti all over it. It’s ruined and will end up in some rich guy’s apartment for a few years until it’s out of fashion and finds its way to some doctor’s waiting room (most likely a free clinic). Who are these damaged ladies? I’ve scoured the web and found some of the scariest and saddest pictures of Douche Baguettes. Here are 15 Photos Of Women Being Douche Baguettes.
15. Driver Side Air Bags
I’d like to see the crash test rating on your face. It also seems your skin is made from fine Corinthian leather.
14. Tacky To The Hilt
Two bimbos, four implants, 20 tacky nails. Do the math, and it comes to 40 guys in the sack by Christmas. You’re a ho ho ho.
13. Two Face
Two girls who have been friends since childhood, one was inflicted with douchebagitis. The skin turned orange and her lips were stuck in constant kissy mode. Can you spot the one suffering from the illness?
12. Kid Pam
When you look like the spawn of Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson, then you probably have the same morals and illnesses. Stay away from Jodie Marsh.
11. What Do You Want For X-mas?
It seems like you have everything. Highlights, fake take, take breasts, there isn’t anything left? Oh wait, you’re missing your bedazzled trucker hat. Better give Santa a little something extra for that one.
10. There’s Still Hope
These two could have lived normal lives, and with a lot of therapy they still can. But in the mean time, they have almost made the full transformation to female douchebags. They are just a fake tan and a bling’d out cellphone away.
9. Preparing For The Walk Of Shame
These tramps are taking the ‘before’ pictures just as they’re about to head out for the night. These will be compared to the 8 am taxi ride home photo when they’re missing hair extensions and each one a shoe. It’s a normal Wednesday night here in Whoresville.
8. Family Affair
Nothing like clubbing with the corpse of your great grandmother. It’s very important to remember that if she tries to pick up on your boyfriends you must remove the head from the body. It’s the only way to kill them.
7. Whoretum Pole
Your glasses aren’t fooling anyone, we’d be shocked if you could name 10 of the 50 states. And no, Cancun ISN’T one of them.
6. Plastic Love
Ever wanted a blow up doll that was fully animated and frightening to look at? Well congrats, we found it. Don’t worry about getting an STD from this one, she is covered with about five coats of Polyurethane. She’s even great in the rain.
5. Dueling Bimbos
Yard per yard comparison, your lips have created a much larger carbon footprint than that tacky dress. The good news is you’re about three years away from being a full blown cougar.
4. Pucker Up Buttercup
Looks like there was a little silicone left over from your breast implants and it found a way to your face. There are other ways to get chrome off a trailer hitch ladies, don’t try to do it all yourself.
3. ‘Ello Guv’na!
I think I saw you dancing with Dick Van Dyke on a roof top. How is the life of a chimney sweep?
2. Rich Girl
How else do you prove your rich than by covering all your clothing with your new beadazzler and wearing a hat that says “Rich Girl”? By the way, that metallic bra is turning your boobs into 42 longs.
1. The Douche Baguettes’ Revue
When you’re overshadowing the douchebag behind you because you and your gaggle of whores are out douchebagging him, you are the queen of all douche baguettes. Congrats… you’re number one!
Not douchebagged enough? Be sure to read 10 Pictures That Give Douchebags A Bad Name and The Douchebag Anthem.
This was written by Bill Doty who fakes his farmer’s tan.
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